2010- Another Year to Piss Off People

It's April.

I've pissed off people off again.

Today...or even the last few months have been an eye opener.

Figures.

It's always an eye opener.

I am humored by it.

I've been given a chance to get back on my path.

I have to thank Billy for this and appreciation doesn't even describe how much a half an hour session is with him. Amazing clairvoyant.

I look back at my last post and see that it is all coming true.

You can never tell what the consequences are when you ask for something.

I've asked to be who I can be.

Ain't that SWEEEEET

I can say I've never really given myself a pat on the back.

Today.

I will.

I am proud of myself for taking the steps I did today and there are more to come.

How scary it must be.

To discover that you are alone.

Not the sulking kind of alone.

But the kind that you know and accept.

Thank you for showing me the way.

I see what i must do and I actually get to do it.

Thank you.

On 2009 - Pissing People Off While Simultaneously Taking Ownership of Your Life

First and foremost, I would like to introduce myself. My name is Ryan. I am a film producer by day and a clairvoyant superhero by night. I give psychic readings and healings on a daily basis. I help people find their own truths and certainly help them reveal their true paths and journey. It is such a blessing to see people on a level that is beyond the surface. To truly see them. Attempting to see in non-judgment. In neutrality. We all have this ability. All I did was decide to look into it, turn it on, and use this tool to benefit my life and the lives I touch. I am no better than anyone. I don't have all the answers. All I really have is my truth and what i see. That sounds extremely threatening huh? :)

2009. The year that made us all grow up. We have been tested to the ultimate limit. We have been knocked down. We have been fearful. We have been forced to see and think differently. We have made excuses that don't work anymore, yet we survived and have definitely changed.

In 2009, I was a lover, a warrior, creator, destroyer, mistress, liar, thinker, feeler, failure, a dreamer, dancer, alcoholic, fool, healer, loner... always oblivious, pissing people off, always questioning, always wanted and needed, always wanting and needing, lacking trust, getting ahead of myself, in like, out of like, late for work, sleeping in too late, danced the nights away, drank jealousy, drank other things, taught people, hit betrayal in the face, questioned what betrayal was, made just enough money to get by, experienced amazing friendships, reattached on a new level with family, experienced and experiencing an amazing relationship, saved many of times when i was falling down, devastated when my best friend moved away, laughed, cried more than I have, fell in love with everyone all over again, created a partnership and company, gained some patience and even lacked patience at times, finally started to understand business, finally understood people won't get it, and finally understood I believed in so many people to get it that won't...and the list goes on.

I can't even describe how appreciative I am for all of it. I am fulfilled.

I can honestly say 2009 has its true place in my personal history. As the new year approaches, I can't seem to figure out how life is working, yet it still is. Taking ownership of your life is a hard thing to do. You start to piss people off. What does that really mean? Try thinking about it for 2010.

What does it mean to survive now? What does it mean to feel? What does it mean to have? What does it mean to love? What does it mean to communicate? see? know?

We are all turning on. We are excited for some reason right? We all know 2010 is a year to get it on and attempt to do it right...what rings true for ourselves?

I am finally ready to follow my dreams in 2010 (still convincing myself as I type), and it's about damn time. There is no room for fear. No room for jealous people. No room for ignorance, only innocence. No room to lack confidence. After the many sessions I've had with people and told them to follow their truth and dreams...I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't start my own right this second...it's only 7:00PM. December 31st.

I'll wait just a few more hours...

You Are Not Wrong

It's interesting how things come about when you rise up from the dead to an unplanned day. I woke up to an invitation to have lunch with two old friends from school; two very gifted psychic women. Days unplanned seem to just flow.

As always, I'm rushing to get places. Showered the night before, so I put on my blue and red plaid button up. Put on shoes with holes in them. Checked my email. Sprinted out the door. Didn't smoke a cigarette. Didn't really want to smell like smoke in front of them out of courtesy I suppose. I arrived and it was a blessing in disguise. It's always a blessing being surrounded by people who understand you and most of all not in judgment of you. They might be 10-25 years older than me, but I'm finding out through time that it really doesn't matter...it's still setting in that I'm not a teenager anymore or a Columbia College student filmmaker.

The reason why the title of this post is called 'You Are Not Wrong' is because a discussion came up during lunch and it really stood out to me the most amongst all the fulfilling conversations we had today.

Ever since clairvoyant training ended, I've been doing reading after reading; healing after healing. Through it all, I couldn't have asked for a better life. Not only have I learned more about how people tick...I've learned about how I tick. I learned about the concept of 'no one is wrong' in training, but it has been constantly on my mind ever since and I've incorporated it in my sessions with people.

What if no one was wrong? I have truly fallen in love with this concept and I am constantly struggling with it at the same time. There are people in my life who I struggle with because I want them to see truth and to understand what that means to those around them...but really my truth is not necessarily their truth. We all live in our own dreams and perceptions. Who's to say who's wrong about anything? It just means that we all need to be ready for the consequences of our actions and take responsibility for them because no one lives in our own minds and bodies. We all have to be ready to communicate with impeccability and not assume anything and that is probably everyone's hardest battle. I know it's definitely mine.

Not everyone is going to understand my perception and I say...that's wonderful! The hardest part is when you love someone so deeply and they aren't getting it or wanting to get it, it's hard not to think they are wrong...and in reality, they aren't wrong. To really stand for this concept of 'not being wrong' takes so much work because we are all so programmed to want everything to go OUR way or totally discard someone else's reality about how they want to live their lives. It's hard because I just want to heal everything and everyone around me and I just can't anymore (except for the fact that one of my professions is being an energy healer and clairvoyant)... though I am so much more happier knowing I am working towards that goal. When I am living in my own dream, there is no reason to be upset and really as cheesy as it may sound, I love the people around me and who have been in my life even more than I ever have before.

People can live their lives the way they want and personally I ain't gonna try to stop them. So I say from my own truth, live life and love it to the fullest... even though you can't pay rent, buy that car you want, have the relationship you want, lost your house during Katrina, and/or stepped in shit today. It's all just energy. Clear it and move on to the next thing. It's time to create!

On Change

WHAT A YEAR.

I wish I could say that this year was no different than any other year, but it really isn't the case.

2008 has brought on new revelations:
We are in one of the biggest economic crises in history...we elected a new president (a black one) who has the potential to shift the world in a new direction...an actress starred in two films that came out within a week from each other...and last but not least...a pop star came out with a new album called Circus.

All bad humor aside (man i need to work on that), it was interesting to see the different shifts occurring throughout the year, especially in the last quarter of the year (not really going into detail). Intense would probably be the best word to describe it all. I'm sure it was for all of us.

If you are ready or not, IT IS TIME FOR CHANGE...if not individually, at least collectively. When there is change happening all around us, there is a tendency for people to go into fear, anger, grief or just total confusion. I am definitely a "victim" of change. It's a scary thing sometimes...but people are beginning to understand that in order to bring in new things in their lives sometimes means working through the old, even if it's painful to face. What's exciting is people are becoming conscious to the changes...not in fear of it, but embracing their own individuality amongst all the collective chaos...Because really, the world IS in chaos and the question I ask myself everyday is -What cool stuff am I going to create in this world of chaos?- If this was everyone's mentality, the world wouldn't necessarily be better, but tremendously different.

People are catching on that they have control of their reality a la The Secret and popularity of thought forms and all that jazz. It's spreading fast. I see it in the eyes of every client I come across at work. They initially come in expecting for me to give them their answers, but as a wise man named Michael Tamura would say, [people are finding out that THEY] are the answer. That is what 2009 is all about: Accountability as an individual. Does this mean I have to face my fears? What have I created in my life? What am I going to create next?

WHAT ARE YOUR DREAMS? Every client that comes in for a reading or a healing, I ask them what their dreams are. Chances are, they are doing what is safe or the complete opposite of their dreams. There is nothing wrong with that. I am one to talk...I'm suppose to be in Hollywood, at a desk in a tv or film studio, answering phones, reading material, and writing coverage while making creative, honest, entertaining films that touch people's lives one way or another.

Personally, I've put my dreams on hold to fully understand the caliber of my abilities as an individual. Not only to be creative...but to provide for myself...to uncover the lies so I can heal and become the man I want to be. If I have no certainty and seniority over my life, why bother walking into a room to pitch or try producing a film? They are excuses, but valid for myself as an individual. I want to breathe and feel that I love every part of myself...the imperfections, the dark parts, and most of all the beauty I possess...what can I offer to the world, and most of all myself?.. i don't want to take a step into Hollywood before i figure that out.

This is why i ask the question, what are your dreams? Every person I ask, knows what their dreams are and it is fascinating to see where they are at in that process. Some people won't fulfill their true dreams this life time...some will. It really just depends on the circumstances of the individual and what they are able to clear out of the way for themselves. It's all energy.

It takes courage to change your reality. Without letting go and destroying the old, it makes it more difficult to create space to grow and live out our dreams. Change doesn't mean that the way you are NOW isn't adequate enough. Change merely means creating an opportunity for the new to come in.

Once again, a new year creates an opportunity for all of us to let go of the old, and bring in the new. The question I ask myself is what am I leaving behind in 2008?

Energy is moving faster. We are evolving. We are becoming more sensitive and aware of the things around us. How lucky are we to live in a time where we can create more, dream bigger, and have it all.

Happy New Year.

On Loneliness

What I've noticed in the past couple of months is a pandemic of loneliness. Loneliness comes in many forms and it doesn't necessarily mean you are physcially alone; it's a feeling inside of you. Every single person on this planet has their own agendas or purpose and this tends to separate all of us from each other. Then, there is this thing where humans thrive on community and/or feeling apart of something. It's a cluster of complex notions that we understand in our nature, but is really difficult to execute in terms of the expectations we have for ourselves. Do I think about myself? or should I only think about other people? It's a dicotomy that rules most of the world's population and collectively, it is always about 'what's the right thing to do'?

I'm not completely understanding where I'm going with this, but what I am seeing are people in the state of loneliness waiting to be seen and heard. Restraint and lack of truth has a lot to do with it. There are many people holding back or aren't willing to face their situations. It's a scary world out there. Many of us get so caught up in the bullshit, we forget about each other and really understand that we are all in this together. We all have a common purpose; to experience, grow, and change. Some people can have this and some have a harder time with it, but what seems to happen is that our own personal agendas tend to rule our state of being. We want this and we want that...we want to accomplish this and not be friends with this person and fuck this person and fuck over this person or request yams on thanksgiving because it gives you less gas so you don't fart in front of great-grandma Phyllis because she thinks it's rude....and etc. These aren't necessarily bad things, they are things we might be wanting.

When life goes bananas, there is a feeling that no one understands because our agendas are so personal... but thinking about why we are lonely is so important because maybe we aren't at all. Maybe we are lonely because we get stuck in the concept or feeling of loneliness.

Loneliness has various grades, but are all valid in nature. A leader might feel lonely because he is the one everyone is looking up to (but who does he turn to?). A homeless person on the street may feel lonely because they have no family or friends to care or love for them. A high school girl might feel lonely because all of her friends have found the love of their lives and she hasn't yet. It is all about perception and there is no wrong perception about this.

Loneliness isn't necessarily the most friendliest feeling, but there might be a reason for it and what's great about emotions or a state of being is there's always room for change.